New Becomings

  On this National Day of Truth and Reconciliation, in a further attempt to understand our Canadian history, buried and forgotten by brutality, I write from the only perspective I have - as a descendant of colonizers. Though I do not identify with the past actions of my lineage, I must begin the unsettling process of acknowledging my role in the continuation of systemic discrimination and deep social issues that I have perpetuated through my own ignorance. In school, I did not have the opportunity to learn about Canada's true Aboriginal history. At the time, history was taught through a colonialist lens and we all believed in the 'discovery' and 'pioneering' upon a 'new land' with the help and agreement of the Indigenous people. Later, as I saw the devastating reality of Indigenous people living on the streets of Vancouver and in northern communities, I still did not make the connection about their intergenerational trauma being prolonged and cruelly judged ...

We are works in progress, spiritually in essence, consciously perhaps, and whether we realize it or not. Most of us are trying our best to do the right thing, but many disagree on what the right thing is. Add to that the myriad issues going on in our world, and confusion turns to chaos. Then you have the self-righteous yelling at each other, drowning out calm and reason so that resolutions or solutions get buried in the fray. It's enough to make me want to live in a cave. Oh yes, if we're interested in saving the planet, humanity and ourselves, we go to experts, read books and articles, seek out resources and explanations, listen to those whose lives are especially affected by whatever-it-is, pay money for consultants, show charts with conclusions to prove our points, share memes of quotes... yet, what's accomplished? Have we really CHANGED anything? Have we actually HELPED boost anybody up but our own egos? I'm squinting into the ether here, searching for words... We a...

I feel a great sense of twilight recently. It's everywhere around me; twilight years in the elders, twilight childhoods in teenagers, and my own prime-of-life twilight. There's no fighting it, it just IS. It's a fusion of beauty and sadness; a fresh dose of reality that doesn't wake you up, but reveals a melancholic authenticity with which to spend time and energy as you face the days with grief and wondering. Heartache-Lite, releasing the years spent in a joyful search for meaning and purpose while tenderly announcing the arrival of "is that it?" Twilight has always been my favourite time of day - soft endings portending new beginnings, perhaps, or just endings, known into unknown. Giving birth in my 40th year spared over a decade of personal decision-making as I was too busy chasing toddlers and helping children grow up to consider what I was going to do for 'the rest of my life' afterwards. It's time to rest and reset. What now then? You would t...