Day 120 - Manipulating Manipulators

Manipulators don't question themselves - there's always someone else to blame.

There are people who manipulate circumstances to engineer their lives. There are others who manipulate people because they can't or don't know how to manage their own circumstances. The difference here is an insight into recognizing people around you who are using you, your circumstances, your family and/or friends, and people around you who are sincerely interested in you as a benefit to their lives, and in return a benefit to yours.

It took me a long time to discern the difference, and in the process, learn how to let go of people who were in my life for the wrong reasons, eliminating drama and wasted time over dealing with all their problems - because that is what exploiters will produce in your life: issues. 

Those of us who are highly empathetic are huge targets. We are on the side of life that truly wants everyone to do well and are willing to help others achieve their own success, but that comes with a cost - running into people who are 'down on their luck' and trying to give them a leg up. Yet, after awhile, we see that some are always 'down on their luck', at that point it has nothing to do with luck, and relationships with those people become one-sided. You will immediately detect one of these by hearing things like, "I thought we were friends", "you're being selfish", "you need to work on yourself", and other manipulative emotions like crying or anger for the purpose of you doing something for them.

We talk about boundaries a lot these days, which is a good thing. It's easy to talk about, not so easy to maintain, because you have to actually say 'no' or make someone (including yourself) feel uncomfortable when you call them out on over-stepping - as soon as you call it out, you'll get all the tears or all the anger. Boo hoo, I'm not sorry you're uncomfortable, because you were comfortable enough to make me uncomfortable in the first place.

Manipulators will try use your own strengths and weaknesses against you. They will either play a victim to appeal to your helpful nature, or they will play self-assured to appeal to your low self-esteem, or play expert in an area you are interested in, or play overly valuable in your life in order to gain points towards their needs later on... the list is endless really.

No one likes to think that there are people out there looking for the long cons, or short-term self-serving gains by building relationships with you. I seriously believe that many of these people don't even know that they are manipulators because it's such a habit, it's all they know - it's time to point it out to them.

There is nothing wrong with creating circumstances to better your life, hence building relationships with people who encourage or enhance you, and instead of forcing yourself into their worlds with what you think they need or want, you can simply be open to them with a space that allows them to be just as they are - and that is something all of us are looking for in genuine relationships.