Day 133 - The Self-Saboteur

Many people have self-sabotage down to an art form - like, if that amount of creative energy was put into actually building something great, there would be SO MANY GREAT THINGS!

Alas, many people don't feel they deserve great things, at least not the greatest of things, maybe just a bit of great, and even then there's probably something that will come along and take it away, so best be prepared for the worst.

Self-sabotaging behaviour is based on things like low esteem, limiting beliefs, the imposter syndrome, and/or plain laziness. It is ingrained so deeply, a lot of folks will say, "No way, that's not me.", and then list off all the reasons they haven't accomplished the great things they would like, or why they're not moving towards great things.

Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn't happen ~Alyce Cornyn-Selby

Yet we try, and something always comes along to mess it up. Is it possible that we are attracting that mess because our mindset is just not ready to do the work? We all know that great things won't just fall into our laps... oh but they do sometimes, and that's only because we were actually working towards our goals without attaching that work to toiling and drudgery. Eureka! If you think you have to toil to get ahead in life, guess what? You will toil. If you're busy working towards a few goals, in baby-steps, in bettering your attitude, in phone-calls, in meeting new people, in getting up and doing stuff, or blog posts, or handing in resumes, or helping others... and then some luck happens to help you along, it's not luck, it's the Universe/God/Energy/Whatever providing you with evidence that the effort you're making is working!

The majority of work involved towards building great things is discovering the mindset that is aware of all the sneaky ways the back-door ego opens up, flooding your thoughts with all the ways you can't do things -- I have no time, I'm too busy, I don't have enough money, my health is bad, my responsibilities don't allow me to do what I need to do, I need more education... These limiting beliefs hold us back from the confidence and ability to JUST DO IT.

Today, I wrote a comment on some Eckhart Tolle post, I said: "I have just now started to realize that conscious growth and prosperity are not mutually exclusive." You know what I got as a reply? "Well, aren't you special" LOL That lady's words echoed with self-sabotage, I could feel it because that was me, years ago, thinking that people who were lucky enough to do great things must've had a leg up somehow - a trust fund, a scholarship, connections. You know what? Other than the trust-fund perhaps, the scholarships and connections are about doing the work. The snarky thoughts that people have towards those who share their growth and joy are self-sabotaging. Snarky unaccomplished people think they are better than the people who are out there accomplishing their dreams, they disguise it in projection, accusations towards others about arrogance or egoism. 'They think they're so much better than the rest of us. Who do they think they are?'

I'm not special. Everyone has the ability to observe their own behaviours and find ways of creating the lives they want. Every one of us can do it. Trying to bring others down is a way of comforting the self and it's limiting attitudes - how dare someone else do something I can't do! They must be faking it, or they're lucky and gloating about it, they are the imposters, not me.

There was a TED Talk years ago about Fake it til you Make it. I get that. You can be honest and authentic while you're faking it til making it. Feeling great now about what you're doing and where you're going is the key to becoming great in what you do and where you are. That's it. It's so simple that people just don't believe it, and so toiling and drudgery it is.

Self-reflection, self-awareness, being completely honest with the self... these are ways to break out of self-sabotaging behaviour. It's all about the self. Yet, many people will consider those as self-centered - Well sure they are, but not in a narcissistic way. As soon as we become aware of our personal hindrances and start building up self-esteem, we end up automatically helping others with their dreams and goals. I have noticed that those who are helping others build their dreams only help those who are also helping themselves - Get that, because it releases you from trying to help everyone. You begin to differentiate between people who are needy, looking for an easy way out, and people who are in the creator stage of life.

Stop hanging around doomsayers, including your internal dialog. If you must be around negativity, it's important to really be self-aware, because those people and those thoughts will try everything to bring you back down - it's a way of proving they/you were right, the chuffed ego won. The ego is actually a powerful tool we need to go forth with confidence and unbridled potential. Many think that eliminating ego is important because they attach ego to superiority complexes and conceit. It's when the ego runs unchecked with self-importance and holier-than-thou approaches that it becomes a problem. Holding empathy and compassion keeps the ego in check.

Instead of thinking all the ways of can't, start thinking all the ways of can. It is now hard to believe how many times I hear people setting themselves up for failure - I never noticed it before, but as soon as I started noticing it in myself, it became a glaring red-flag on others.

The next time you hear yourself snarkily commenting on the joy in others who are doing/having great things, remember that it is you talking to yourself. That is about you, and the way you perceive yourself as unworthy of joy or having great things. Stop listening to your lame excuses and get on with it.
Unfurrow your brow already!