Day 142 - Letting Go of Attachments

A feeling of aversion or attachment to something is your clue that there's work to be done ~RamDass

Detachment, or non-attachment, is a principle many religions and philosophies promote, where overcoming the desire for things/people/concepts creates a state of heightened awareness as one becomes unaffected by worldly possessions and concerns.

This idea is most well-known in Buddhism where a Noble Truth is that the cause of suffering is desire - attachment to wanting something, or not wanting something, instead of just being with what is in every moment.

I used to say, "I don't care." a lot in response to people asking what I thought about something. That got me into more trouble than it should have, but most people think 'I don't care' is a cold, unemotional impression -- What I could have said is, "It doesn't matter what happens, it will be okay." or "I feel sad too, but don't worry about it so much." But even those can elicit an anger or sadness in people who expect you to be concerned in the same way that they are. This is especially true in relationships because we form attachments to loved ones.

The truth is, our negative emotions are still there; fear, anger, resentment, sorrow... it's all still there, yet allowing those feelings to arise in our bodies without having to physically or emotionally react (creating problems) is the point. So, non-attachment to those feelings, while still feeling them, is a skill that can help relieve that unhinged sense of grasping and codependency. 

What about the positive feelings of joy, glee, contentment? These are obviously easier to handle, even so, when attached to those positive emotions, there is an underlying fear of losing them - eventually, they subside, leaving you unhappy or discontent, and then you strive to get them back by doing whatever it was that induced those feelings in the first place, but it's never the same. The ability of feeling these emotions without attachment to them can help us be calm, knowing that 'this to shall pass' - that's not just reserved for bad situations, it applies to the good ones as well. You don't have to be in the front cart of the roller coaster ride of emotional reactions and responses - you can be like a bird flying overhead, watching it all go up and down. It's still an amazing ride, maybe even better!

'Letting Go' is a bit of a misnomer because we aren't exactly 'letting go', we're simply not clinging to our wants/desires, and whether we get our wants/desires or not, we are still in conscious acceptance. We're also not clinging to the fear of losing what we have. Acceptance is not like capitulation, although it could be that in some circumstances. Acceptance in every moment is like a weight being lifted off our shoulders, where we can allow energies to flow, life to happen, without thinking we have to be in control all the time.

That brings me to another point - if we let go of attachments, why do we have dreams and goals? What's the point of dreaming and working towards goals if it doesn't matter what happens? Because it's fun, we are creative and social beings, we love to be comforted and feel secure, so we go about trying to manifest these things in our lives - working with our loved ones (co-creation) we build our castles in the sand to enjoy our time here -- but, the castles crumble, everything is impermanent. Knowing this is what keeps us from despair when our dreams/goals are not realized, and even more so when they are realized - because time moves along, and that overarching awareness helps us appreciate what we have in every given moment.

It took a long time for me to understand why I felt a sense of grief during moments of joy - I was preempting the joy with the awareness that it would pass eventually. It's difficult to feel such highs and lows at the same time! So I ended up trying to get to a point where I was neither attached to the highs or the lows - allowing what is just to be. And that is when I found relief.

Working towards our dreams without attaching ourselves to specific outcomes actually opens up possibilities that we had not considered. It's amazing to think that there are better possibilities out there for us if we'd just let go of the narrow pathways we build with our attachments.


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