Day 163 - What is Happiness?

Never let go of - through escape from misery - a good opportunity to grow ~ Lester Levenson

When we use words to describe ideas and understandings, they are merely pointers to more inexplicable feelings or awareness. We use language to try to communicate and clarify things to others or ourselves, which is why I love writing, but the words alone cannot bring someone else to full understanding - Like the game Broken Telephone, each of us has our own individualistic perception of what is being said. The filter of our experiences and attitudes can taint the intention of the relayed understanding. I can say 'don't worry, be happy' (spending time worrying ends up eating away happiness), and someone will come up with all the worrisome things in the world to convince me that true, long-term happiness is a pipe dream. So 'worry, be unhappy' then - it doesn't matter to me. Every one of us is responsible for carving our own paths towards fulfillment, and though some might have notions of utopia if everyone would just be happy and loving, it is not realistic to expect others to be in the same place or want the same things. Ideas about utopia are as varied as there are people.

Happiness is a word that most people would use connoting moods of joy, laughter, ecstasy, elation, pleasure et al... Here, I am using the word Happiness in an overarching sense, where it surrounds us even as we sit bored or angry or sad. I'll use more words to describe what I mean: Happiness, with a capital H, is a kind of contentment with life as it is, no matter what is happening - it is the background awareness that we are responsible for our own circumstances, we are responsible for our own attention, and with that conscious awareness we are free of wanting to change or control the past or future. There is a heavy weight lifted when we know that all we can do is in the moment, because that is the only time we have a chance to change things as they are. I used to be all Pollyannish about this understanding, and it came across more like toxic positivity, which was not the intention of course - It is not a good idea to try to squash negativity with good vibes, there has to be an acceptance of that negativity in order to move beyond it. I suppose 'acceptance' can be considered a good vibe, but it isn't like trying to douse a burning fear or anger with fake joy, it's more like attending the flame (provocation).

Misery or negativity in general can be felt at the same time as Happiness. How is that possible? This is my favourite paradox! This overarching awareness that is Happiness is beyond the 'feeling' of happiness, It is always present, which means we are able to still feel all emotions, including small letter happiness and big capital Bullshit, simultaneously. When we are feeling negative emotions, it is important to remain aware that we are NOT our emotions, so we don't get caught up in actions that support the negativity - like yelling or drama or worse - and then spiral outward attracting further negativity to us. Being able to feel one's misery without attaching blame or becoming mired in thoughts about it, we can dissipate its hold over us.

The ability to cool out, to calm down, to transform, to accept, is Happiness' gift. When we are stuck in terms of needing other people or situations to do or be different than they are, we are not aware of our power to reshape narratives in the moment. These moments are golden opportunities to grow, by simply looking to the silence surrounding our circumstances, we start glimpsing the possibilities of immediate change in our own attitudes about what is happening. Once attitude changes, so does the circumstance.

Again, words are merely pointers - I could say something like, "grow up and stop expecting Happiness to happen to you, just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not there." It seems a bit harsh. It means the same thing, though.



 

 

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