Day 171 - On Account of Accountability

 "It is not only what we do, but also what we do not do, for which we are accountable." ~Moliere

We're all adults here, let's consider accountability:

Some people think I'm quite amenable, responsive to suggestions with a bit of persuasion, and easy-going in many environments, which is true a lot of the time. Others think I can be harsh, upholding my point of view to the point of cutting down or downright cutting people off, which is true some of the time. It depends on the situation and how a person comes across or impresses themselves upon me. It confounds the few people who knew me to be fully amenable, and then when I wasn't, could not understand why. Why would I just throw up boundaries when there had been none before? The boundaries are always there, I give warnings when they are crossed, but if there is no acknowledgement about it, there is no longer a relationship, and no looking back.

It's taken a long time for this to happen, I used to be quite the doormat. It has taken many years for me to understand what I stand for, what I'm willing to let go of, what matters to me and what doesn't - and it all comes down to accountability from others and for myself. My discernment is mine, I don't need or indeed want others to think the same way as I do in order to maintain relationships or friendships - but, I do require at least an understanding of accountability. If someone does not realize the consequences of their actions or words, laying blame and responsibility in the court of others, I end interaction entirely.

My friends know this: I will not mince words in areas where I see a lack of accountability. Self-pity, unhinged anger, overbearing arrogance, or wallowing melancholy will not stir indulgence - rather, will not feign compassion from me. Compassion from me (and a few others who don't mind bearing the brunt) looks a lot like holding one accountable for their own state of being. The compassion lies in shining a light on darkness, fully calling it out to take a good look at it - some people just don't like that, so I say my piece and then peace out. However, for those who are willing to look at themselves in this harsh light of compassion, there is a freedom from judgement because we've all been there. That freedom is also on a personal level when you hold others accountable, and a liberated authenticity when you hold yourself accountable. This helps gain ground on the path of self-determination; you don't get caught up in drama or difficulties, which takes a lot of energy and time you'd rather spend somewhere else, like creating a conscientious life. Everyone is solely responsible for their surroundings, more like how they feel about their surroundings, and what type of person they are and are becoming.

Being accountable for what one does is pretty straightforward. What about being accountable for what one doesn't do? The simple interpretation is that when one is not accountable for their past actions, they are still not accountable by not acknowledging or doing anything about it. Another, more complex interpretation is that we do not stand up for what we believe, we don't "walk the talk". People talk about what they understand, but they don't live it, they don't actually put their supposed understandings into practice. It's like memorizing some history lesson at school, but not actually comprehending why its being taught, what its importance is to our lives now. This is why history repeats itself, because most of us don't learn the lessons of the past, recognizing the consequences of our actions. This is why people have destructive patterns in their lives that they can't seem to get out of - Why does this keep happening to me? Because you haven't learned the lesson. Because you are not being accountable for the part you play. This is not to say, for example, that trauma victims are responsible for their trauma, but they are responsible for how they deal with it as adults. 

Accountability in everything you do and don't do is about self-awareness. Many people don't find it necessary to reflect on that because it actually physically hurts to feel it. It's painful to realize you have been the cause of someone else's and your own suffering. Some might call it a dissolution of ego, but that can be confused with 'we're all one' so let's ignore ourselves and do whatever we want no matter the consequences. We may all be One in the grand scheme of things, but we're here now, expressing as individuals, and there's no way around it, only through it - part of going through it is to be held accountable for what we do and don't do.