Cheating Unfairness

 

“Life is unfair, but remember sometimes it is unfair in your favor.” — Peter Ustinov

I wrote a letter to my grandmother when I was about 21, updating her on my trials and tribulations after moving to the other side of the country. In it, I'd expressed how, once leaving the basic comfort and safety of a stint at university, unfairness was everywhere. My grandmother had always given me advice, usually warnings about strangers with ill-intent and unkind situations that I was bound to run into. Growing up, I'd thought she was a bit overprotective in trying to explain the harsh realities of life, but in fact, she was not.

I remember writing: "It's weird that life seems easier for people who cheat." I was in a poor state, making dumb decisions out of pure innocence, and people all around me were either swindled or swindlers themselves. There was a lot of advice from acquaintances about how to cheat the system, I took that advice once - but the nagging remorse in my gut was too much to bear, and that was it; I couldn't be a swindler. Of course, I didn't want to be swindled either by a natural inclination to trust everyone either. So, I put on a tough street-smart air and navigated through those years relatively unscathed. It helped that I was a physically strong and tall girl nicknamed "Fuselage" by some snowboarders I hung around, not a smart target for potential assault anyway.

Now, decades later, I see the unfairness of life everywhere again. Scams and spams and folks on the lam. This life thing is hard, and it's even harder for those who come from broken homes and the unhealed scars of trauma. Compassion is severely lacking in our society, it's especially unchecked in people who tout compassion but don't actually use it - hoisting it like a shield of royal worthiness that only protects their true vulnerability; 'not-in-my-backyard'.

So, as I try to handle these days of being absolutely disgusted by the number of grifters out there, from the lowly depths of pilfering to the heights of leadership positioning, I will give a little bit of motherly advice on how to deal with the unfairness of life:

Remember first, sometimes life is unfair in your favour! You may get the short end of the stick today, but you also may draw the tall straw tomorrow. If you get caught up in getting the short end of the stick, you probably won't be available the next time straws are drawn. This is because when you lose, your focus is on the unfairness of life - focusing on that can only create more of that, so you're missing out on opportunities while your head is down.

You know what else you miss out on when your head is down? You miss out on levelheadedness. You miss out on being clear. This is not to say that you shouldn't accept an unfair defeat, or not actually feel that bitterness deep down, because by all means you should - punch that pillow, cry, write a scathing letter or blog... get it out, but move on as quickly as possible.

It's not just you, everyone has to deal with unfairness at various times. Sometimes, you win - but let's not gloat about that either - for the same reason - as your head is in the clouds you may miss out on another opportunity because you're distracted by the previous win.

And, life is not about winning or losing, it's how you play the game, right? Life is like a game, as some would say "a matrix of illusion". So being entangled with the emotional ups and downs is a recipe for depression and anxiety - not good states to live in.

You can be sent into a rage or even shut down because of the unfairness of it all. Depending on the issue, you can stand up for yourself or you can choose your health over being right - either way, logic and calmness in decision-making are vital to coping with a sense of inequity. Emotions, at their height, will cause the logical brain to get in the back seat, and the only thing driving you is unreasonable passion. Passion is great when we don't have to think and all is well, yet we all know the bad decisions we've made in the heat of negative passion.

Next time you find yourself bogged down with the unfairness of life, feel the resentment about it, but not for too long, get it out of the way, you've got better things to do. As my grandmother would say, "be mindful of your surroundings at all times, and that includes your inner state of awareness."

 

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