Love on a Budget

First, this is not about frugal dating or how to spice up a romantic relationship on a dime, sorry if that's disappointing, but do read on... 

 I would do anything for love but I won't do that - Meatloaf

As people budget finances, it might be a good idea to look at the 'budget' of Love, an overview of income and expenses - what types of love are coming in and what is being given out. Sacrifices and trade-offs can be assessed for what one would or wouldn't do for love; and nothing should come at the expense of anyone's health and wellbeing - because that is not loving. Romeo and Juliet is not romantic, it is a tale of mental illness spurred by uncontrollable eros.

Love is an incredibly complex thing that is, in essence, all-encompassing; as some say, the life-giving source of existence. It filters through our lives in many different stages and endless varieties. It is also used as the 'logical' reasoning behind certain behaviours.

The Greeks have 8 words for love, depending on what stage or variety one's describing. Eros describes a sexualized and possessive love. The modern day obsession with this type of love glorifies it as some sort of sustainable passion - calling it Romance, but for anyone who's been in long-term relationships, we know it turns into a deeper, richer form of love, fizzles into something less, or it spirals out of control into co-dependency or jealousy. Eros defines the initial 'newly-love' stage of first falling in love, and the neurosis that can spawn out of it.

Philia is about friendship. The Greeks valued this version of love far more than the base sexuality of eros. It is about camaraderie, loyalty, and sharing. Plato believed that the obsessive eros detracted from this deeper form of love, hence the word 'platonic' to describe deep friendship between people beyond physical attraction.

Ludus is a playful, flirtatious and innocent form of love - It's carefree and fun, which many people seem to lose over time. It can be brought to the forefront through dancing or lighthearted teasing with anyone and should not be seen as an invitation to anything more than that; however, it is often confused with a come-on, misjudged as sexual attraction.

Agape is a universal type of love, a compassion for everyone. It is empathy embodied by an awareness of the needs of others as well as ourselves. This benevolent form appears to be lacking these days, as antipathy, divisiveness, and selfishness have become normalized.

Pragma is a longstanding love, the type of love where effort is required and compromises are made to maintain relationships. It is a mature form of patience and tolerance over time without jeopardizing anyone's emotional health.

Philautia is basically self-love - it can be twisted into narcissism or expanded into a high self-esteem. In its best form, it is being comfortable in one's own skin. We cannot love others if we do not love ourselves.

Storge is about allegiance and protection. This type of love can be most noted in families, biological or chosen, and it also arises in long-term friendships and tight-knit social groups. It's the instinctual safekeeping of loved-ones.

Mania is obsessive love, turning any form of love into an unhealthy and extreme compulsion. It is dangerous and violent, and should not have a place to reside in anyone - yet it does. It is the cause domestic disputes, terrorism in the form of righteous fury, and it could be seen as a cause of suicide where ego has developed into a mania of self-loathing.

These definitions of love are useful to help us each understand where we find ourselves in all of our relationships, to others, to ourselves, and to the world. Knowing where we stand with an eye on loving awareness, advances our abilities to cope with the many different situations we find ourselves in. Appreciating the different forms, and how they interweave, allows us to take stock of the types of connections we have and what attention needs to be paid - better aligning ourselves with grace, gratitude, care, and compassion.



 


 


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